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All moms have been there, and if you haven’t then lucky you! Many moms that I know after having kids eventually will look at themselves in the mirror and wonder….”Who is this person that is looking at me? I don’t even know who she is anymore.” Has this happened to you?
It sure has me! I went for 30 years with just taking care of me and doing what I wanted. I had friends that I would go out with, I golfed multiple times a week, I would read, I would just pick up and go away for a night at the last minute, I had things I loved to do. But fast forward seven years and three kids later, I now have no idea what I really even enjoy doing or what I want out of my life because I have hardly had time for me in years.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my children and I will do anything for them. I have obviously been doing it for seven years now, and they are always priority. But ya know what, because of having to put my children and their needs first, I have put my needs and wants on hold. How is that fair to me at all? I used to have a plan of what I wanted for my life. I found joy in things I did most days, the spontaneity was great! But now, my days are pretty much on repeat, there is no spontaneity anymore unless someone comes home sick; then any and all plans are thrown out the window. (Sick kids…well that is a whole other post in itself…)
Making the time for you to do something that you enjoy doing is not always easy, you have to make the time between things, maybe early in the morning or late at night. Seems easy to do huh? It may be easy for some to do this, but I struggle with trying to do something that I love to do, because I just don’t know what I like to do anymore. I pretty much just do what my kids like to do nowadays.
Ok, wait a minute…
Now as I am writing this, I am realizing that maybe I can still do the things that I used to do that I loved doing prior to having my kids. I just need to change the way I am looking at this a little bit.
We used to go golfing a couple times a week, the older two kids are getting to the age where we can teach them to swing a club and take them with. Definitely would need to go to a course that is not so busy and would allow them to go with, but they could putt around. Heck Tiger Woods started playing when he was young and look how great he is at the game!
I used to read a lot, well I guess I can read to them more than what we do in our household. When they were little they would want to read all the time, now not so much, but then again, I don’t make the time to do so. My oldest can read now, so he could even read to us; instead of mom always reading. Plus, this could get them out of their electronics a bit more in the evening too. (Yes, I am one of those mom that lets their kids use tablets…get off me!)
I have always loved playing sports. Yes, mom is the jock in this family, not dad! I loved to play basketball and softball. I grew up always playing something in school and at home in the yard. My kids actually are all pretty athletic and they enjoy getting out and shooting hoops or putting on their mitts and playing catch. We do that almost every single day in the summer. My son is old enough to play on organized teams, which is great for him to get out of the house more! I love going to watch him play and I probably I will even volunteer to coach his team, one of these years. And yes, I am that loud mouth mom that yells from the sidelines telling him what to do…sorry not sorry! I just get too into what is going on!
Another thing we loved to do was to last minute decide to pack up and go away for the weekend, and we are starting to get to a point that we may be able to start doing this again. The kids are 7, 3, and over 18 months, so we are getting close to not have to pack up the whole house every time we go anywhere. I can’t wait though until everyone can just pack one bag for themselves and we can be out of there! Hit the highway and just head North for the weekend, just like the old days.
So maybe I can remember who I am or what I like to do. Maybe I have just been looking at this all the wrong way and bumming myself out because I can’t do the things I like to do by myself anymore. I guess I just need to look differently at my situation and get my kids involved on what I used to do all the time before them, heck, maybe my kids will show me something new that they love to do and I will enjoy it too.
And I still do think that I need to figure out who I am when they are not around, but for now I need to just enjoy this season of my life, because before I know it they will be grown. When they are a bit older and more independent, I will have time to focus more on things that I love to do for me and me alone. Hopefully then it will be a little bit easier to find the time for me and that bubble bath that I have been putting off for way too long.
I would love to hear about your challenges with not knowing who you are and how you overcame them. Feel free to share your story with me at Hello@ElizabethLBalmer.com. I look forward to hearing what you!
And of course, if you know someone that may benefit from these few tips that helped me change my thoughts, please share this blog with them. I would appreciate you sharing it with others!
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